Trials and Tribulations of the ‘Dancer’: Are we reaping what we sow?

In the UK, pursing a career in dance goes something like this…

Start as a young child (dragged along or begging for classes), teacher picks up on potential and physique, fall in love with the style, outstanding exam results, a successful audition at a vocational school, and finally… that coveted contract.

Or that’s what they’d like you to believe.

It concerns me that reading reports of abused gymnasts over the past year hasn’t shaken me. There are certainly many parallels with the dance industry.

Year upon year, students between the ages 11 to 19 pack their bags to attend vocational dance schools, full of hope and ambition, energised and in peak physical form. Yet most leave the system broken, damaged and hurt.

Why is this? Why are so many students taken on with such potential, only to be dropped by the system with such little consideration?

The dance industry (particularly ballet) is embedded with tradition. And tradition rears an ugly head…

Archaic training practices, racism, abuse, sexism, corruption, nepotism.

Classical ballets such as ‘The Nutcracker’ are still performed whilst mimicking racial stereotypes. Some of the most talented dancers I know haven’t received the opportunities that they should have, simply because they didn’t fit the ‘conventional ideal’ of a classical ballet dancer. Injuries are shamed and ignored, unsolicited ‘scientific’ advice is given regarding diet and weight, and physical, emotional and sexual abuse are in plethora. All in the name of ‘tradition’.

There is never an excuse for such behaviour, but one may look to the emotional immaturity amongst ballet staff, within both companies and schools. I am not meaning to paint all staff with the same brush — there are many caring, compassionate members who only want the best for their dancers. I have been fortunate that I was taught by a handful of teachers who displayed these qualities.

For many successful dancers, some get so wrapped up that they can’t leave. Some may have a genuine passion for teaching, others may have let dance consume their lives to the point at which they haven’t discovered their other talents/interests from which they could develop a career. Many never truly have a break from the industry. I often found that the teachers I considered ‘the best’ had stepped away before stepping back in, be it with academic study or simply gaining perspective of the real world.

However, one thing that many share in common is how they project their experiences. Some will belittle injuries, claiming that they made it through performances with broken bones and ligaments. Some will gaslight, telling dancers that what they’re going through “isn’t that bad” and that “it’s just the nature of the industry”. Body shaming, public humiliations, racial and abelist slurs are also equally rife.

Many will claim it “toughens up” dancers, when instead it causes just as much emotional, mental and physical long term damage as they themselves carry. Consciously or subconsciously.

This is where it impacts on the student. Suddenly a dancer will start to fade away, self-esteem knocked. They will stop believing in their talents, pushing themselves through physical and/or mental injury. They will approach classes, rehersals and performances in fear. They may even stop looking after themselves, withdraw socially and just generally feel inadequate.

And then they don’t meet the mark. A far cry from that enthusiastic young dancer that was so full of potential.

Here begs the question — if a young dancer puts in the work and doesn’t reap the rewards, who is at fault? Who has knocked their confidence, encouraged them to dance when they weren’t fit to do so? Who has overtrained them and not considered that they are young athletes? Who isn’t recognising that the training methods are draconian and sadistic?

This isn’t the fault of the dancer. This is the fault of those in charge, those who bow down to tradition. The very people that impressionable young dancers are so keen to impress for their own career progression.

I have many amazing memories and experiences from my days as a dancer, but also moments which I can only say have caused me irreversible damage.

My final three years in training were littered with disordered eating, poor body image, weight fluctuation, dancing through injuries (leading to unnecessary flaws in technique) and self esteem issues. I lost almost all my confidence in any natural ability that I possessed. I isolated myself from my peers and family, lost focus academically, struggled with a plethora of health issues and had multiple depressive episodes. I was also not only going through the usual trials and tribulations of any young person on the cusp of adulthood, but on top of this had external traumas in relation to living arrangements. I was lethargic and this was evident in my dancing. I was living in the shell of my former self.

I graduated, deflated, and reluctantly joined a trainee programme for three months. Suddenly, out of the blue, my love for dance returned. I was eating a normal diet, ironed out the flaws in my technique and managed to lengthen out the bulky muscles caused by poor training. I felt cared for and supported by the staff and my peers. I reaped the rewards following this; getting ‘call backs’ at auditions, artisitic directors expressing an interest in me.

I recently compared my audition videos from the two experinces. My graduate footage depicts a girl going through the motions: fatigued and unconfident. My post-trainee footage depicts a powerful young woman, with greater control over her body, a sense of power and conviction in the work displayed. Looking professional - long, lean, confident.

This is when I walked away.

I am aware my experiences as a trainee were rare. I am aware that I was one of the lucky few that was ‘favoured’.

But I’d had a taste of ‘real life’ during my second audition season.

I’ve found people that liked me for who I am, that they don’t care if I make mistakes. They value me for my kindness, my energy and slighty feisty spirit.

I found that my body is in the best shape that it’s ever been in with food that nourishes me. I can eat without guilt. I’ve found exercise that brings me joy and wellbeing. I don’t feel ashamed when I look in the mirror.

I’ve found that I have many talents and passions. I’ve found that I’m an intelligent and articulate young woman.

I’m rebuilding my relationship with my family. I feel safe and supported.

I’ve come to the realisation that I have a bright future ahead of me.

I like myself.

It’s 2021. Dancers should too.